So I suck at updating this blog-- everyone knows this right? And by everyone, I really mean Shteen. *waves*
HI SHTEEN.
So tonight at the midnight hour let's talk about the very thing that got me and many others into writing:
Fanfiction
You read that right, ladies and gents, fanfiction.
The ever nerdy-self-indulging glory that serves fangirls like myself with head canons and soothes my weary heart from a week's hard episode/chapter. It rights the wrongs and wrongs the rights-- it takes things in totally different directions and it sings like the beautiful sirens of the sea-- luring us further and further into an inescapable pit of squealing despair.
Or like a fat drunk guy at a tailgate party, that either gives us second-hand embarrassment or makes us laugh.
However you like to see it.
I began writing fanfiction ten years ago. Yes, 11-year old me was obsessed with Teen Titans and shipping Robin and Starfire so hard that I was an armada alone. More importantly than my obsession though, was my imagination. Episode...30-something was going to come out and we only knew at the time that Starfire was betrothed! 11-year old me came up with a world of possibilities, all of which became garbled up in my young mind. I picked up a pencil one fateful day, with a journal in my lap as I curled up in my ugly burnt-orange chair in my room. I wrote.
Unprovoked, but 100% motivated by my own excitement, I wrote.
I can't recall how long it took me, but I do remember it finishing off at about 30 pages, and I only worked on it at home in that little chair. I also remember parading into my parents' room once I was done, proudly proclaiming that I had written a 30-page story. "Can we read it?"
"No~"
I then continued my little parade out of their room.
I don't suppose this was my first time writing something fan-worthy unprovoked. I wrote a few Pokemon things, but they were few and far between. That Teen Titans fan fiction though...It sparked something. From there I wrote another fan fiction that was probably about 10-15 pages long (also Teen Titans), and after that I discovered that I wasn't limited to write in a notepad. I took to my Dad's computer and pulled up a blank word document. I couldn't type worth shit, really. I think I was probably better than most kids my age since I had spent time on Neopets and Horseland, but most 11-year olds back in 2004 weren't typing like experts. Still, my new found OTP, Beast Boy and Terra, spurred me into creating this beautiful monstrosity:
and good Lord there was a sequel
The reviews came trickling in on the first story. They were nothing but encouraging, and that's when I realized that I had a gift. An unrefined gift that gives me some serious embarrassment when I look back on it, but a gift nonetheless.
I was hooked. I wrote and enjoyed pouring my imagination out onto that ancient word document. How ancient? Old enough to have that little animated companion on the screen to keep me company (I used Links the cat).
Every time I submitted a chapter, which was probably just about every day, I waited with excitement to see the reviews. All were positive, so I kept going and having a ton of fun. The story finished, and I planned a sequel.
The sequel was on a roll for about...idk 10 chapters or so. Maybe more. But life got in the way. The parents divorced and I had a huge move to another state and life just flipped upside down. Not to mention Teen Titans had ended, and I was rather disappointed by the end. However, the story did eventually wrap up in late 2006 with a happy audience.
From there I wrote an Eureka seveN fan fiction that went unfinished. I had no idea where it was going anyway. It is now just sitting idly on my page, basically archived to remind myself of where I've been and how far I've gone; the story forever discontinued.
Somewhere in-between fan fictions though I began formulating my own ideas and stories. They were precious to me, and rather dark and serious for a 11-12 year old to be writing. But life felt serious at the time. I had a lot of bottled up angst that I didn't even realize I had, and that only got worse after my folks split. Regardless I began writing both fan fiction and my own personal works.
A few fandoms went by: Naruto and Bleach were two I tried writing in, but never got very far. I dabbled for the most part in my high school years. I had no ongoing projects in any fandoms. I believe I focused solely on the ideas in my head and whether or not they were coming out on a word document or in the form of a comic on sketchbook paper.
When I was 17 I discovered NaNoWriMo.
"What the fudge is that, Mariah?"
It's a month-long writing spree where you try to write 50,000 words in 30 days. Your reward? Bragging rights. That and you have, like, half of a manuscript written.
17-year old me has an original fiction in my head that I had rolling around for probably two years, so I was more than eager to sign up and say "Challenge accepted". Alas, I did not meet the 50k goal. I only wrote around 27k-- which is still pretty good! I continued to write on the story for weeks after, but eventually tapered off for one reason or another. The next year I reached 32k with a different story I had also had in my brain for years.
Something happened when I turned 18. Thundercats was rebooted. I never really watched the first series, but the reboot was gorgeous. The animation was amazing, the character designs were beautiful, and the story was great. I fell in love hard and fast, and suddenly I found myself back in the world of fan fiction.
I wrote three one-shots:
All of which are well received, not just by the Lion-O/Cheetara fans, but the Thundercats community as a whole.
Well just as soon as I'm coming off of Thundercats another show captivates me in an astounding way
The Legend of Korra
Enamored doesn't even describe my affection for the show. I was hooked instantly and, despite not wanting to ship any romantics, I fell for Mako and Korra's dynamic.
Shortly after the first season aired, one of my closest friends gave birth to her daughter. Being a sucker for "someone-got-knocked-up" stories, and having been so close to someone who went through the trials and tribulations of an unplanned, young pregnancy, I had an inkling that I might just be able to write something profoundly entertaining for both myself, and some fans.
was born, and I never imagined it would receive the attention it has accumulated. I was updating once a week for the first five chapters, and every single chapter was regarded well. I was overwhelmed by the thankfulness I felt and the excitement. Once the page views jumped by a thousand views in less than two days after submitting a new chapter.
The updates came slower. Now it's currently stuck on chapter 10, and has been for nearly a year now. It's difficult, but the dry spell of my writing started back in November of 2012-- during NaNoWriMo
I started the month off like usual, however I suppose the story I started with didn't have enough frame work in my mind to really keep going where I wanted it to.
I crashed. I spun out. I fell flat on my face, did a few flips and skidded on my face. It was horrible and suddenly all of the confidence I had before was gone. Nine years of bravado evaporated, and nothing I wrote after that sounded right.
I struggled. I stared at blank word documents, having all of these ideas but having no idea how to put them into words. I became depressed. It stressed me out. And I'm sure that college wasn't really helping much either.
Somehow though, in early 2013, I craved to return back to my Thundercat ways during my History class, and suddenly I was creating something beautiful. I was nearly in tears writing it, and my hands were tingling in excitement.
Another Lion-O/Cheetara fan fiction with implied sex and angst was what started to boost my confidence again. What was even more interesting was that, if you looked at the other three one-shots, and then this one, you could see a definite evolution. It was heavily praised for its characterizations and emotional depth, and I couldn't have been happier with the outcome. I was so proud, and I figured that it was the end of my dry spell.
Not quite, but it was a start.
I cranked out a few more Gift of a Lifetime chapters. My own stuff went neglected after the failure of NaNo 2012. I haven't done it since then, partly due to fear, and another part due to severe time restrains (I.E. college and work).
A few other fan fictions were born though during the "dry-spell" more Korra one-shots that you can find on my fan fiction page!
I'm still in that "dry-spell" I'm coming up with ideas, but writing them has been laborious. My motivation to write is low, and my attention span is sad. The vigor just isn't present, and it's because of a multiple of reasons-- family drama, college, jobs, visiting friends and family, personal drama, and so many things.
It's rather frightening to be honest. I'm now majoring in Creative Writing at a university, and while I know I'm a badass, I can't seem to channel it properly.
Regardless, I was inspired yet again by another anime that slammed me to the ground and put the proverbial gun of inspiration to my head.
Black Lagoon became a fast favorite, and Rock and Revy's relationship was, and still is, beyond intriguing to me. I started writing a fan fiction, however it has not been seen by public eyes for various reasons-- mostly because it's a jumbled mess, but also because I want to keep it to myself for now. It's precious to me <3
I've started trying to write more-- on fan fictions and my personal stories. I still don't write nearly enough, but I'm trying a little harder.
I still get reviews, favorites, and votes on Gift of a Lifetime, and they always make me feel so thankful, yet at the same time they make me feel bad. I have this wonderful fan fiction that is just sitting there with readers holding their breath for a continuation. But I have little to no motivation to write it. I haven't given up. I wrote 2000 words on it since Dec.19th of 2014. It's not discontinued. It's just on a very long hiatus while the author tries to find herself and her place in life, and how to get there.
Life makes it hard to write sometimes, but I know eventually I'll get better. It's in my blood-- too deeply integrated into my veins for me to stop being a writer. I was born with this talent, and I refuse to stop.
That all being said, this suddenly became a huge therapy session.
Back on track, that's just a history of my fan fiction writing and what it's done for me as a writer. It made me into a writer-- or at least is brought out the writer in me and helped me refine it. No one should ever discourage fan fiction writing-- it's an amazing way to practice writing and to learn how to accept criticism. It's fun and it's a creative outlet.
It's amazing to look back at that really cringeworthy Teen Titans fan fiction; it's a testament to how far I've come, and how far I've yet to go.
