Katt and I have the best Skype conversations
Mariah: I just wanna go live in the woods by myself and write and draw all day
Kittles: ^^^^
Mariah: I think I’d even be okay without internet tbh because I’m just THAT tired of bullshit
Kittles: be a fucking nomad or hermit
Mariah: Become one with nature
Mariah: pee outside
Mariah: Make love to a log
Mariah: I’ll live in a log cabin
Kittles: xD
Mariah: Live near a body of water and in the mountains
Mariah: try to live near a waterfall so that showering is easier
Mariah: befriend a bear
Mariah: marry bigfoot
Mariah: have ugly bigfoot children whom only I will think are beautiful
Mariah: Send ‘em to your house during the summer
Mariah: ‘What did you learn at your aunt Katt’s house?’
“Meh”
Mariah: *begins to knit their own body hair*
Kittles: im gonan piss mselyf omg
Mariah: You’d have to teach me how to make shoes for them
Mariah: Their dad would be so against it, but I don’t want them stepping on fucking stickers, bad enough they’ll drag those in on the rest of their body hair
Mariah: I’ll practically have a beautician’s license after a few years with bigfoot and his children
Kittles: nah
Kittles: they'd have hobbit feet
Kittles: fucking calluses from running wild at aunt katt's house
Mariah: They’ll have to choose if they want to be people or bigfoot
Mariah: just like Wolf Children
Mariah: my third son will run up to the top of our fucking waterfall-shower and start yodeling and then run off into the sunset
Kittles: it's fucking gorgeous
Mariah: My daughter will not feel accepted in human society, so she will probably stay at home with me and her dad
Mariah: my oldest son will dress up in a monkey suit and get a desk job. He’ll be totally convincing
Kittles: like a fucking modern day octodad
Kittles: there's that one guy who's super paranoid and knows it's a bigfoot kid in a suit
Kittles: but no one in the office believes him because fucking Carl is at it again last week it was Helen in HR being a damn alien and now it's picking on the new guy fuck off Carl
Mariah: When they all come home to visit they will all report such interesting things:
Daughter: “Mom and I went to town and sold some paintings— actually I just hid in the trees and watched her.”
Oldest son: “I wrote some reports the other day and may be getting a raise soon!”
Youngest son: “I shit out some blueberries the other day— everything was purple.”
Husband: "AAARRRRgGH."
Me: “Honey I told you to be supportive— Brad is trying very hard at the office.”
Kittles: fuckig pruple im dying
Mariah: We’ll try and find love for our only daughter and contact the Yetis up in the North to see if they’d like to arrange a marriage
Mariah: I’ll be in my fifties and wanting grandchildren and dammit we know Brad is married to his job and Phillip is over there humping trees, so Gretta is our only hope
Kittles: I say I love them all equally but I'm secretly proud of Phillip the most because he's living up to his full potential and taking after his dad and aunt katt
Mariah: Phillip rules the forest next to his dad. They punch honey badgers in the face.
Mariah: Brad becomes so driven by his lifestyle that be looks into getting hair removal treatments and reconstructive surgery for his face and feet because “I WAS BORN IN THE WRONG BODY MOM”
Me: “THIS ISN’T WANT I WANTED FOR YOU BRAD— I LEFT THAT LIFE FOR A REASON. YOU’RE JUST GONNA GET BUTTFUCKED AT EVERY TURN!”
Mariah: Husband: “arg raaaugh arg arg waahh.” (I should have stuck to fucking trees).
Mariah: Gretta: “DAD!”
Me: “Don’t worry, sweetie, he doesn’t mean it. Who’s my strong handsome sugar foot?~”
Husband: "Mraagh~ <3(mee~)"
Kittles: omg im fucking dyig