Git 'R Done

Let's talk about getting stuff done.

Yes. Git 'R Done. As in, get your butt off of this webpage and write.

Do it.

Right now.

Don't even bother reading the rest of this post.

I have commanded you.

...

You're still here?

...

Fine, okay. If you won't get off this blog and go do what your brain has been nagging you to do for how-ever-long it's been nagging you to do it, then I'll at least make your stay worth while and fill your brain with advice. Because God knows this 4-year adulting struggle I've been on has taught me a few things and, gosh darn it, I'mma share my knowledge.

So a huge part of being a writer (whether you suffer from depression or anything of the like, as we discussed in the last blog post) is self-motivation. There are going to be days where you are totally gung-ho to jump on your computer and start typing away at your darling creation. Your baby. But sometimes we just don't want to take care of that baby. We legitimately become that parent that skips out on all the milestones and just sends letters occasionally saying "Thinking about you~"

I know that I've wasted too many days saying, "I'm gonna write or draw today!" and I don't do it. What do I do instead? Watch youtube videos of Countdowns, YT Drama and lets-players. And when I'm not doing that on the computer I'm on Subeta or constantly rechecking DeviantArt like a crazy ex-girlfriend who checks on her boyfriend's profile ever hour.

So there are ways to combat getting distracted by the internet. You can download apps to your toolbars or app centers (depending on your system of choice) that will allow you to block self-inserted sites for a pre-determinded amount of time. Cool, right? In theory. My problem was I didn't have enough self-discipline to bring up the app and block myself.

My priorities are not straight. Well, in thought though not in practice.

The computer is THE issue that keeps me from doing what I need to do (Okay ultimately I'm the reason, but just bare with me). And it sucks because guess where I do my writing? Why, on the very keyboard I'm typing this blog post on, of course!

My second barrier is sleep but I haven't figured that one out yet so, again, keep in touch for that entry whenever that one comes.

So what has Riah done to combat this?

Not much of a damn thing, BUT I did do something today that actually helped. Here was what I did:

1. Wake up at 10am with a full bladder. I lay there with my eyes closed until my dog snorts and demands cuddles. Five minutes of attention later I wake up and decided to force my ass out of bed and do something productive or else I'm gonna feel like shit about it later and feel as though I'm doing nothing with my life because I enjoy being intimate with the sandman too much.
2. Decide to go out and get Starbucks. I did this for two reasons:
• I had been craving a Venti Double-Chocolate Chip Mocha Frappucino
• I seem to do better when I have somewhere to be/go
3. Get semi-dressed (I failed to brush my teeth because I didn't see the point since I hadn't eaten anything yet [don't follow my lead on that]).
4. Go and get my Starbucks and come back. I had set my laptop (my tool of the trade) in the office before I had left. Why? Because I knew that if I laid down in bed to write then I'd get nothing done. I would inevitably get distracted or get drowsy again

THIS WORKED.

                                

I actually got some writing done--maybe not a lot, but some.

So my reasoning behind this was fair, and I actually got it from a sleep article (Which I'm always looking up because I sleep like garbage). Researchers have said that to achieve a better night's sleep it's best to associate your bed with just that: Sleep. Like, the reason why you sleep better in hotel's or at a stranger's house (AKA just not your own bed) is because you have no associations with that bed other than to sleep. So I thought, "Surely this would work for writing too!"

I barely touched subeta while I was at my desk. I was primarily on my word document. What caused me to stop was I felt tired again (as is my life--a perpetual feeling of fatigue) and so I went back to bed at 12:30pm and woke up at...3:30pm

Again, another problem for another blog post once I figure out how to fix it (more like just force myself to just stay awake).

Now this may or may not work for some individuals as they may write better in a very familiar place or position. But I actually found that it helped me quite a bit.

Ultimately, there is no magic trick to getting yourself to do your list of things to do. Which is sad. I demand science remedy this problem after they cure cancer. And all other disease...basically I'mma just let take care of their business while I try to take care of mine.

Anyway, you can definitely look into things that help you get things done. Try finding an app that blocks you, make a work spot, motivate yourself with a reward for when you've finished-- try new things out and see what works for you!

Ciao~

Well it Started Out About Depression Then It Turned Into a Reflection with a Touch of Advice

So let's talk about depression and anxiety!

Now I know you guys are probably thinking "Oh naw we aren't about to go down the dark path of despair" and naw we're not. I'm not gonna drag you guys through an examination of the two mental disorders that plague a lot of people in the world. Like that's not what my blog is about.

Wait what is my blog about anyway? I haven't made a post in like two years or sthg.

BUT lets talk about these two things in correlation to creativity.

In short: They suck.

Okay, everyone go home, that's the gist of this post, have a nice night! But really though they suck hardcore and most of the time make it hard for a person to create anything substantial (though some people are able to feed off of these soul sucking issues and create beautiful things). The problem isn't always whether or not your work will turn out awesome, in fact most of the time it's more akin to getting motivated enough to create.

And of course you can have this problem without being depressed or experiencing any emotional turbulence. There are days where I feel awesome and like nothing can stop me. But do I write or draw?

Now why is that??? There's nothing really blocking my mentally, I've had a decent day, I've got some time on my hands and yet I find myself watching youtube count down videos, taking unnecessary care of my lions on Lioden, surfing Tumblr or sleeping. Do you know how much I sleep? Too much, my friends, too much.

No, I think there are a plethora of things that stop me and a lot of people from writing even if they're feeling good. One of which is feeling like whatever we create is going to turn out lackluster. This can also be a part of depression, but I don't think it always is. I think it can be heavily linked to self-esteem though.

So in the past year or two I came to this stark realization that I was battling depression. Never mind anxiety because it's precoded into my system as a bonafide General Anxiety Disorder that I take medication for. But after months of slacking off of doing what I love, looking at myself in the mirror and feeling displeased with how I looked, feeling like an annoyance to people, and sleeping a lot the realization slapped me across the face and I couldn't believe I hadn't seen it sooner.

I was depressed, for probably the first time in my life, actually. Now I was depressed during my parents divorce, and I guess depression takes on a lot of different forms. I was more anxious than anything, but nonetheless my creativity didn't stall. I was still writing and had started taking up drawing comics. They were outlets for a crap time.

Then I ask myself as an adult "Why can't they be outlets now?" easy: I've been kicked in the shins by "critics". I started to see the flaws in my work, not only because of what they said but also because my perspective has evolved with age. I used to have an unshakeable bravado when it came to my writing. I was hot shit, basically. And, heck, I was! I wrote what I want and how I wanted it and people liked it! I had friends who wanted to read my work and family too. I was posting junk on fanfiction.net for a long time and people on there loved it. I felt like a super star and felt like I had found my niche in the world with a God given talent that I cherished and held in high regard.

So fast forward to age 19...2012, right? Something like that. I go into NanoWriMo all fired up. Only I fell face first for the first time in my life. I didn't like how my writing sounded. It had sounded awesome up until that point. Really, it was just that the story had no solid direction and thus I was struggling to lead it, or let it lead me. Still I had never had that issue before and it left me shell-shocked. To top it off a group on Tumblr turned down my entrance into their fanfiction group. It was quite stupid, actually. My friend had been in the group at the time and was watching as they praised my work quite highly. She got up to go to the bathroom and when she came back there was a resounding "No" in their conversation. Suddenly they had turned around and pinpointed everything they didn't like. It was startling for my friend, and when I got the rejection email I was appalled.

Characters were not in character--go watch the show again.
Structure isn't up to snuff

I think there was something else but I can't remember. Those were the two things that obviously stuck with me.

NOW. This group of self-glorified hoo-has were all probs about my age at the time (there was probably one in their late twenties at least). And they essentially said the exact opposite of what everyone else in the fandom had said to me. The particular story I had submitted to them has over 20,000 views on fanficiton.net alone. It had been well received and people eagerly awaited updates.

I'd also like to add that in the email I was sent they said specifically not to mention any of the contents to anyone.

I won't go mentioning the group name, of course, because that would just be darksided of me.

So I struggle to recover from these two blows--one self inflicted and one that was me being butt-hurt over what some tiny fanfiction group said about my writing.

This is around the time the depression really starts to kick in. My dad was getting remarried. I was starting at a new university. My mom lost her job. My dog died. My weight was thrown into light. Actually a lot of this stuff happened about a year after the NaNo incident. But it just kept bogging me down.

So cue this past academic school year. Two of my writing classes were essentially shit. The kind of shit where in one class everyone is thrown under the bus by getting harsh critiques from your classmates on a story everyone pretty much legit just wrote a week before (if not the night before), and you were expected to crank out New York Times Best Seller list stuff in your first draft and submit it to the professor. You also lost 1/3 of a letter grade for every typo he found. So there was that. Don't get me wrong, criticism is an important medicine we have to learn to take. But the professor was also pompous, and the class was very polarizing. People either hated it or loved it.

I got F's on both of my submissions. I was devastated by the second one most. I had gone through what he had said I did wrong in my first work, and tried to conform to his requirements. I had my dad go through it and catch all the typos and fragments (my paper was covered in green ink by the time he was through). I got an email from the professor after he graded it. He gave me an F. He said that I had great ideas and such, but ultimately I hadn't learned a thing in his class.

So my first emotion is rage, right?

I was so livid. I was convinced that I had wasted my time in this person's class and actually tried my hardest. I felt like he tried to shove his techniques down my throat and that if I didn't write THIS EXACT WAY that I would never be published, and if I was it wouldn't be good.

So that was the first stage of my emotions. The second stage came about 15 minutes later.

Ab-solute anguish. Why? Mostly because immediately after I tried to write something to prove to myself that I had been doing the right things all along without that class. But it sounded weird. But I thought it was just me and my self-conscious issue that I had been having BEFORE the class. I sent it to a friend and even she said it didn't sound like me. It sounded forced.

I broke. I started sobbing loudly because I thought I lost it. My beloved ability to create through words and my ability to evoke emotion just by a sentence was gone and thus so was my identity and my purpose.

I was almost convinced that this class had sucked out whatever else I had left in me and had ruined me. I sat there crying so loudly, asking my poor, confused little dog, "Dandy, WHY?!"

In another grappling effort I bitterly wrote something, tears still jogging down my face and my nose stopped up. I sent it to my friend and she said "That's my girl."

I hadn't lost it. But it had been severely stunted.

My second writing class was better. The criticism was less harsh and so was the grading criteria. We mostly all wrote in comedies, which was new for me. Everyone loved my comedic pieces--many of which somehow pertained to my part time job. Quite a few of us agreed that the professor sometimes spoke from his butt though. He said my last piece lacked emotional core (which was bullcrap because everyone I talked to about it didn't understand what he meant since it was loaded with emotion), and he even flat out said one girl's work was boring. To which everyone in the room looked at him like he was crazy and we all vehemently protested.

A lot of things contributed to my personal depression, including classes that took a shot at my shaky writing-self-esteem.

Then of course there's daily stress that accumulates until you find yourself sobbing and eating an entire box of mac and cheese by yourself (but I do that regardless if I feel sad or not so there ya go).

I guess what I really want to say is that it's okay to take a break. It's okay to do you (as Justyne would put it). You can focus on what you need to fix in your life. You don't have to be published by the end of the year or paint a Mona Lisa famous painting in a month.

Breathe.

Criticism is a thing and some of it is fair, and we have to learn to take it (I'm still learning, myself). But you're entitled to sift through what people say and label it as "Horseshit", "Pending", and "Acceptable". Yes, YOU are allowed to do that and it doesn't make you a shitty writer if you don't take all the criticism you receive and put it into your work. You take what you think is sound-- but don't assume that you're perfect. You need a big ass ego, sure, but you also need to know when to be humble. It's good to look at things from another person's perspective and say "You know, you've got a point" or just "Nah, bro." and move on.

You write what you want. Write about cupcakes waging a war on muffins and how a muffin and a cupcake fall in love and create a baby that's just a muffin with frosting. Write it in first, second, or third person. Make fragments. Start sentences with But. Stack punctuations?!

"You do you." has probably been the best advice I've ever gotten from Shteen, and I repeat it to myself at times.

So if I'm gonna do me. I need to think about it as such and just write. Don't think about how it's gonna sound as soon as it hits the page--revisions come later-- just write and breathe.

Everything's gonna be okay. Take your time to recover from blows to your self esteem, but never stop. Take time to take care of yourself, and take time trying to find yourself again if you have to.

You do you!

Ps. Here's Shteen's blog. It's full of wisdom. And a touch of derp. <3

Websites

Over my many, many, many, many years of writing I have come across quite a few websites that enable me to share my writing, organize my thoughts, and get critique. Wasting ten years of life on the internet can do that to a person. So today I'd like to share with you the beneficial websites that can help you spread your word-- or rather words.

Online Publishing Sites

Places where you can share your work with others

(In no particular order)

Wattpad

A website for writers of all kinds-- poets, fiction writers, non-fiction writers, fan fiction writers, and much more. Be warned that popularity does not come easy and that the site is oozing with 1D fan fiction.

Archive of our Own (Ao3)

Fanfiction websites that enables you to tag your work for easier searching.

Fanfiction

Fanfiction, of course. Has a great search engine and can help you find what you want to read in a jiffy. Is the best option for fan fiction writers as reviews are more likely to come your way because of the search engine.

Fictionpress

Sister site to Fanfiction.net, however is strictly for original work. Same site layout as it's sister.

Tumblr

Literally dump all of your shit here and throw your life away because once you get a tumblr you're going to spend all day on it wasting precious time and getting angry over unimportant shit. Not the best site for writers, however you can still get attention and get feedback.

Deviant Art

Yes! DA also supports the literary artists! Has a good search engine (if people tag their things correctly), has a wonderful community of artists of all sorts. Not too hard to get noticed if you are a fan fiction writer, however takes a lot more blood, sweat and tears as a writer of original fiction and other literary media. Offers premium membership which includes a multiple of beneficial bonus features.

Figment

Can post writings of all kinds. Clean and easy to use. I haven't been on it long enough to leave a full review on how great it is. But so far I'm pleased with it.

Booksie

Similar to Figment and Wattpad. Original works, but also fan fiction friendly. Have yet to join, thus have no opinion.

Character Sites

These sites are best for keeping track of your characters and for character building

Charahub

Decent website that allows you to store many characters and their information. Is a tad messy and questions often repeat themselves. Good for making you think of things you might not have thought about when you create your characters. Allows you to keep characters private, between friends, or public. Also allows you to add pictures.

Toyhou.se

Brand new character storage site that is currently invite-only due to server size. Is well organized and clean. Also allows one to keep characters private and add pictures. Does not ask questions for you to answer about your characters (a pro or con depending on the person). Premium members can customize their profile with CSS coding.

I will update this as I run into more websites. If you have any questions let me know!

Have fun signing up!

Fanfiction

So I suck at updating this blog-- everyone knows this right? And by everyone, I really mean Shteen. *waves* 

HI SHTEEN.

So tonight at the midnight hour let's talk about the very thing that got me and many others into writing:

Fanfiction

You read that right, ladies and gents, fanfiction.

The ever nerdy-self-indulging glory that serves fangirls like myself with head canons and soothes my weary heart from a week's hard episode/chapter. It rights the wrongs and wrongs the rights-- it takes things in totally different directions and it sings like the beautiful sirens of the sea-- luring us further and further into an inescapable pit of squealing despair.

Or like a fat drunk guy at a tailgate party, that either gives us second-hand embarrassment or makes us laugh.

However you like to see it.

I began writing fanfiction ten years ago. Yes, 11-year old me was obsessed with Teen Titans and shipping Robin and Starfire so hard that I was an armada alone. More importantly than my obsession though, was my imagination. Episode...30-something was going to come out and we only knew at the time that Starfire was betrothed! 11-year old me came up with a world of possibilities, all of which became garbled up in my young mind. I picked up a pencil one fateful day, with a journal in my lap as I curled up in my ugly burnt-orange chair in my room. I wrote.

Unprovoked, but 100% motivated by my own excitement, I wrote.

I can't recall how long it took me, but I do remember it finishing off at about 30 pages, and I only worked on it at home in that little chair. I also remember parading into my parents' room once I was done, proudly proclaiming that I had written a 30-page story. "Can we read it?"

"No~"

I then continued my little parade out of their room.

I don't suppose this was my first time writing something fan-worthy unprovoked. I wrote a few Pokemon things, but they were few and far between. That Teen Titans fan fiction though...It sparked something. From there I wrote another fan fiction that was probably about 10-15 pages long (also Teen Titans), and after that I discovered that I wasn't limited to write in a notepad. I took to my Dad's computer and pulled up a blank word document. I couldn't type worth shit, really. I think I was probably better than most kids my age since I had spent time on Neopets and Horseland, but most 11-year olds back in 2004 weren't typing like experts. Still, my new found OTP, Beast Boy and Terra, spurred me into creating this beautiful monstrosity:

Terra The Misunderstood

and good Lord there was a sequel

Are We Friends or More?

The reviews came trickling in on the first story. They were nothing but encouraging, and that's when I realized that I had a gift. An unrefined gift that gives me some serious embarrassment when I look back on it, but a gift nonetheless.

I was hooked. I wrote and enjoyed pouring my imagination out onto that ancient word document. How ancient? Old enough to have that little animated companion on the screen to keep me company (I used Links the cat).

Every time I submitted a chapter, which was probably just about every day, I waited with excitement to see the reviews. All were positive, so I kept going and having a ton of fun. The story finished, and I planned a sequel.

The sequel was on a roll for about...idk 10 chapters or so. Maybe more. But life got in the way. The parents divorced and I had a huge move to another state and life just flipped upside down. Not to mention Teen Titans had ended, and I was rather disappointed by the end. However, the story did eventually wrap up in late 2006 with a happy audience.

From there I wrote an Eureka seveN fan fiction that went unfinished. I had no idea where it was going anyway. It is now just sitting idly on my page, basically archived to remind myself of where I've been and how far I've gone; the story forever discontinued.

Somewhere in-between fan fictions though I began formulating my own ideas and stories. They were precious to me, and rather dark and serious for a 11-12 year old to be writing. But life felt serious at the time. I had a lot of bottled up angst that I didn't even realize I had, and that only got worse after my folks split. Regardless I began writing both fan fiction and my own personal works.

A few fandoms went by: Naruto and Bleach were two I tried writing in, but never got very far. I dabbled for the most part in my high school years. I had no ongoing projects in any fandoms. I believe I focused solely on the ideas in my head and whether or not they were coming out on a word document or in the form of a comic on sketchbook paper.

When I was 17 I discovered NaNoWriMo.

"What the fudge is that, Mariah?"

It's a month-long writing spree where you try to write 50,000 words in 30 days. Your reward? Bragging rights. That and you have, like, half of a manuscript written.

17-year old me has an original fiction in my head that I had rolling around for probably two years, so I was more than eager to sign up and say "Challenge accepted". Alas, I did not meet the 50k goal. I only wrote around 27k-- which is still pretty good! I continued to write on the story for weeks after, but eventually tapered off for one reason or another. The next year I reached 32k with a different story I had also had in my brain for years.

Something happened when I turned 18. Thundercats was rebooted. I never really watched the first series, but the reboot was gorgeous. The animation was amazing, the character designs were beautiful, and the story was great. I fell in love hard and fast, and suddenly I found myself back in the world of fan fiction.

I wrote three one-shots:

Title

Getting There (The prequel to Title)

Barrier

All of which are well received, not just by the Lion-O/Cheetara fans, but the Thundercats community as a whole. 

Well just as soon as I'm coming off of Thundercats another show captivates me in an astounding way

The Legend of Korra

Enamored doesn't even describe my affection for the show. I was hooked instantly and, despite not wanting to ship any romantics, I fell for Mako and Korra's dynamic.

Shortly after the first season aired, one of my closest friends gave birth to her daughter. Being a sucker for "someone-got-knocked-up" stories, and having been so close to someone who went through the trials and tribulations of an unplanned, young pregnancy, I had an inkling that I might just be able to write something profoundly entertaining for both myself, and some fans.

Gift of a Lifetime

was born, and I never imagined it would receive the attention it has accumulated. I was updating once a week for the first five chapters, and every single chapter was regarded well. I was overwhelmed by the thankfulness I felt and the excitement. Once the page views jumped by a thousand views in less than two days after submitting a new chapter.

The updates came slower. Now it's currently stuck on chapter 10, and has been for nearly a year now. It's difficult, but the dry spell of my writing started back in November of 2012-- during NaNoWriMo

I started the month off like usual, however I suppose the story I started with didn't have enough frame work in my mind to really keep going where I wanted it to.

I crashed. I spun out. I fell flat on my face, did a few flips and skidded on my face. It was horrible and suddenly all of the confidence I had before was gone. Nine years of bravado evaporated, and nothing I wrote after that sounded right.

I struggled. I stared at blank word documents, having all of these ideas but having no idea how to put them into words. I became depressed. It stressed me out. And I'm sure that college wasn't really helping much either.

Somehow though, in early 2013, I craved to return back to my Thundercat ways during my History class, and suddenly I was creating something beautiful. I was nearly in tears writing it, and my hands were tingling in excitement.

I'm Here

Another Lion-O/Cheetara fan fiction with implied sex and angst was what started to boost my confidence again. What was even more interesting was that, if you looked at the other three one-shots, and then this one, you could see a definite evolution. It was heavily praised for its characterizations and emotional depth, and I couldn't have been happier with the outcome. I was so proud, and I figured that it was the end of my dry spell.

Not quite, but it was a start.

I cranked out a few more Gift of a Lifetime chapters. My own stuff went neglected after the failure of NaNo 2012. I haven't done it since then, partly due to fear, and another part due to severe time restrains (I.E. college and work).

A few other fan fictions were born though during the "dry-spell" more Korra one-shots that you can find on my fan fiction page!

I'm still in that "dry-spell" I'm coming up with ideas, but writing them has been laborious. My motivation to write is low, and my attention span is sad. The vigor just isn't present, and it's because of a multiple of reasons-- family drama, college, jobs, visiting friends and family, personal drama, and so many things.

It's rather frightening to be honest. I'm now majoring in Creative Writing at a university, and while I know I'm a badass, I can't seem to channel it properly.

Regardless, I was inspired yet again by another anime that slammed me to the ground and put the proverbial gun of inspiration to my head.

Black Lagoon became a fast favorite, and Rock and Revy's relationship was, and still is, beyond intriguing to me. I started writing a fan fiction, however it has not been seen by public eyes for various reasons-- mostly because it's a jumbled mess, but also because I want to keep it to myself for now. It's precious to me <3

I've started trying to write more-- on fan fictions and my personal stories. I still don't write nearly enough, but I'm trying a little harder.

I still get reviews, favorites, and votes on Gift of a Lifetime, and they always make me feel so thankful, yet at the same time they make me feel bad. I have this wonderful fan fiction that is just sitting there with readers holding their breath for a continuation. But I have little to no motivation to write it. I haven't given up. I wrote 2000 words on it since Dec.19th of 2014. It's not discontinued. It's just on a very long hiatus while the author tries to find herself and her place in life, and how to get there.

Life makes it hard to write sometimes, but I know eventually I'll get better. It's in my blood-- too deeply integrated into my veins for me to stop being a writer. I was born with this talent, and I refuse to stop.

That all being said, this suddenly became a huge therapy session.

Back on track, that's just a history of my fan fiction writing and what it's done for me as a writer. It made me into a writer-- or at least is brought out the writer in me and helped me refine it. No one should ever discourage fan fiction writing-- it's an amazing way to practice writing and to learn how to accept criticism. It's fun and it's a creative outlet.

It's amazing to look back at that really cringeworthy Teen Titans fan fiction; it's a testament to how far I've come, and how far I've yet to go.